TO: All AT&T Employees

FROM: Senior Staff

SUBJECT: Budget Cuts and Reorganization

As a result of reduction in budgeting funds for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.

Under this plan, some employees will be asked to take an early retirement, thus permitting the retention of other employees who represent our future.

Therefore, a program to phase out selected personnel by the end of the current fiscal year via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately. This program will be known as ERASE (Early Retirement of All Selected Employees).

Employees who are ERASED will be given the opportunity to look for other employment outside the organization. Provided that they are ERASED, they can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This phase of the operation is called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).

All employees who have been ERASED or SCREWED may file an appeal with senior staff and upper management. This phase is called SHAFT (Study of Higher Authority Following Termination). Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be ERASED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the organization deems appropriate.

If the employee follows the above procedures, he/she will have qualified to get HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment) unless he/she has AIDS (Additional Income from Dependents or Spouse). As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be ERASED or SCREWED by the company.

Senior Staff and Management wishes to assure the employees who remain on board that this organization will continue its policy to ensure that employees are well-trained through our Special High Intensity Training (SHIT). This organization takes pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive. We have given our employees more SHIT than other organizations in our area. If an employee feels he/she does not receive enough SHIT on the job, see your supervisor. You supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the SHIT you can stand.

We appreciate your patience and cooperation during this difficult time of transition.