Subject:
            Piseth Pilika: complete diary pt. 1
        Date:
            Thu, 4 Nov 1999 15:04:52 -0500 (EST)
       From:
            anonymous@cotse.com
 Organization:
            mail2news@monster.org
  Newsgroups:
            soc.culture.cambodia
 
 
 

Here’s the complete diary of Piseth Pilika.  I don’t know
why Khmers look up to her so.  Reading this, I get the
impression of an average woman with perhaps above-average
looks, who was rather uneducated and money-hungry.  Her
support for Hun Sen/CPP is pretty clear too.  Why she chose
to have sex with such a vulture is beyond me.  It’s like the
story of the dying snake who was found and cared for by a
kind woman.  When the snake eventually bit her, as she lay
dying she asked, "why did you bite me?"  And the snake
answered, "Stupid bitch!  You knew I was a snake!"   She got
what she deserved.  Salasaathuuk!
 

The Post has obtained a copy of the entire autobiography
purportedly written by Piseth Pelika, before her murder in
July this year. It is published here in full in both Khmer
and English. The French magazine L'Express, which first
published a story on the so-called diary, has said it was
verified through fingerprints and handwriting analysis.
Independent of L'Express's verification process and the Sam
Rainsy Party, which has also been involved in the diary
coming to light, academic Dr Steve Heder from the School of
Oriental and African Studies in London has also read the
diary and compared it to known samples of Pelika's
handwriting. He said he, and other people both Cambodian and
non-Cambodian who had viewed the material, though not
handwriting experts, believe the writing matches.
MY former name is Uk Iep Pili, born in Svay Rieng province.
My father's name is Uk Hel, born in Angkor Chey district,
Kampot province. My mother's name is Meng Mony, born in Po
Tahor of Prey Veng province. I have two younger sisters: 1-
Uk Divina, born in Phnom Penh in the Year of the Rooster 2-
Uk Divadou, born in Phnom Penh in the Year of the Pig.

My grandfather's name (father's father) is Kong Ro, [born]
at Phnom Kong, Tani Tuk Meas commune, Angkor Chey district,
Kampot province. My grandmother's name (mother's mother) is
Ma Ee.

[Another] grandfather (mother's father) is Meng Sam, born in
Tonle Toch district, Kandal. [Another] grandmother (mother's
mother) is So Koth, born in Tahor district, Svay Rieng
province.

I was born in the Year of the Horse in 1965. I left my home
village at the age of about 4 or 5 years old and came to
live in Phnom Penh. My parents had a wooden house at Beng
Trabek behind Mr. Saing Yun's house, which was an
inheritance from my mother's grandparents. I lived together
[with my family] at Beng Trabek. I knew I had two sisters.

When I reached the age to go to school, I went Wat Koh
school with my aunt (my mother's sister) named Meng Kunnary.
In 1972 or 73, my father moved to work as a school master in
Kompong Cham. I changed the school and went to Kompong Cham
with my father, mother and sisters.

I had a male cousin named Iv Kim Heng and a female cousin
named Siv Kim Hieng, alias Srey. They are my father's nephew
and niece.
 

Some time in 1974 or early 1975, when the country was at
war, I moved back to Phnom Penh together with all [of my
family]. I went back to Wat Koh school. People who lived in
my house were Aunt Kun, Uncle Riem and their son Kuoch and
daughter Kumpheak. Another person was Uncle So Then, Grandma
So Koth's nephew, and Grandma So Koth's foster daughter,
Sareoung (her husband was Soeun).

In 1975, the war got more serious and Uncle So Then's wife
was killed by a shell.

[The 17th of] April 1975 was the day when the Democratic
Kampuchea, led by its ringleader Pol Pot took control and
drove people out of Phnom Penh, including my family. My
family and I went out of Phnom Penh through Chbar Ampov. We
rested at Wat Champa, Kien Svay district. Then, we went to
Tbong Damrey district on a boat. My parents and sisters and
I lived in Tbong Damrey district, Tonle Toch.

For about 3 or 4 months during the Pol Pot regime, they
drove my family, my grandparents as well as my aunt and
uncle who are my mother's relatives to Pursat near Tonle
Snguoth. It was a forest village rarely inhabited. My
grandparents, aunt and uncle were separated to Po Leong
village, Kandieng district, Pursat province far away from
me. It took all morning to walk to see each other.

Time had passed by. Nothing was certain. We were living
among the people who had different ideas. Pol Pot [Khmer
Rouge cadre] took people, including my family and tortured,
starved and separated them according to their inhumane
thinking. They created a terrible regime which I could not
contemplate. The fact that we used to live together happily
had changed in the blink of an eye.

My parents had to go to build an irrigation system, while I
was put into the children's concentration camp with my
second sister. My first sister had to stay in the house
because she was too young, about two or three years old.

In mid 1976, my mother fell sick. My father was also sick.
My father was sent to the Baksey hospital the first time,
while my mother was sick at home. My mother's life wore her
out bit by bit.
When my father was not at home, my mother went to beg for
the rice ration and palm juice distributed for the patients.
It was a handful of rice and a bamboo stick of palm juice.
She did not eat and drink them, but she rather wandered
around to collect the remaining [juice] in the pan and
[porridge] left in the bowl. She saved rice and palm juice
to make a sweet bit by bit for my father. [She] planted
three tobacco trees under the house for my father.

Then, I did not know the value of love. I wondered why my
mother was willing to starve herself and keep [the food] for
her husband. I asked her to eat [the rice and sugar], but
she told us to wait till my father came to eat together. I
was waiting for the day my father came back from the
hospital, but it was too long. My mother became sicker and
sicker, so sick that she could not walk. She tried to water
the three tobacco trees very well. I
remember and won't forget [that] the tobacco trees were very
good. She tried to walk to catch fish but she could not
walk. She moved on her buttocks to go to catch fish and
asked me to help her.

I was small and had not known what suffering was. I wasn't
busy much with my mother. But, I thought I prefered my
father to my mother. My mother tried to catch fish, grill it
till it was well done and send it to my father at the
hospital. My father liked anything which was well done, so
my mother understood his feelings.

Later on, she got seriously sick. She told me that 'the rice
is for Dad to cook for all to eat; and the sugar is for Dad
to eat together. You water the tobacco trees well for Dad.'
And I kept this in mind.

One night, they made Khmer noodle behind Pol Pot's dinning
hall for people to eat. That night, my mother ate [the
noodle] savouring them till she was full.

Then, she became sick again till she almost died. She called
out to ask for medicines, but nobody had any. I could just
sit and massage my mother's legs and shed my tears. I didn't
know that my mother almost died. I just knew that she had a
pain in her body. I pitied her. She continued screaming till
she almost died.

My mother was in agony and I called out for help "My mother
is not right; Please help my mother, aunts and uncles.' But,
they could only stay still, looking for a way to survive
themselves. My mother was out of her breath. I screamed out
and woke my sisters who were sleeping, embracing my mother.

My mother was covered with a badly torn sarong, almost see
through when she died. At that time, I thought that my
mother was only sleeping without moving. I didn't know she
had died. I cried because she stayed still and didn't talk
to me. My sisters, my dead mother and I were together.
Nobody came to have a look. Then, an uncle who was also sick
came to have a look. He told me that she had passed away. He
told me to go and find Uncle Mao, who is my mother's cousin
living in a nearby village. Then that uncle went back to
sleep.

The vicious regime had made people ignore each other. They
just cared for themselves. Peoples' spirits were turned into
machines during that regime. There was only nature in which
people could take shelter. It was very difficult to ask for
help from another human being.

My sisters were still sleeping and embracing my dead mother.
I ran through the night, leaving behind my dead mother and
the two sisters, to get my uncle. When my uncle arrived, he
could just shake his head and lit the lamp and put it above
my mother's head. Th
 
 

My mother was alone without any relatives, brothers or
sisters saying any prayers for her. I didn't believe why my
mother had to be so unfortunate and miserable.

I remember that my aunt, Nary, alias Prok, told me that my
mother had been very sad since she was divorced.

When my mother reached the age of marriage, she was forced
by her parents to have a husband, named Neang, who was a
teacher and well off. But, my mother refused. My
grandparents beat her and put love spells on her till she
got married.

When building the wedding hall, one of my uncles named Uncle
Phat [said that] he had loved my mother. But he hadn't dared
to say because he was still at school. He was my mother's
cousin. He fell off the wedding hall, but nobody knew the
problem he had.

During the wedding, my mother tried to run away, but she was
caught by my grandparents. They wanted to punish my mother,
because my mother was stubborn. And they told their nieces
that they would punish those who were stubborn like [my
mother]. The wedding was over. My mother had to go to live
with the husband she didn't love. Her husband said that my
mother didn't let him go near her. She had a knife with her.

After about one month, my mother secretly ran away on a boat
with a package to her aunt's house. The old people could not
force her anymore. Her husband conceded and they divorced
each other.
Then, uncle Phat, who had loved my mother for a long time,
built a relationship with my mother as sweat hearts. The old
people didn't stop them, because they understood my mother's
feelings. My uncle had a small radio as a keepsake of my
mother. Then, my uncle went to work or learn something in
Ratanakiri province.

One day, uncle Phat went to a wedding party. When he backed
his car, he hit and kill the daughter of a Lao-Khmer widow.
She refused to accept compensation. She only demanded her
daughter back. The villagers and her sisters arrested and
threatened my uncle and would not to let him leave the
village until he agreed to marry the woman and pay her
daughter back. At his wit's end, my uncle had to marry that
woman. He had hidden the story and refused to say anything,
because it was too late. He said he would not come back and
step on the homeland he used to live on. He really paid back
a child to [the widow] and it was a son. But, he didn't live
with that woman. They lived in separate places and he would
visit his son once in a while.

My mother was determined not to get married again and waited
for the age to become a nun.

But, [as the Khmer saying goes] the life's love partners
will meet each other. My father named Uk Hel, who lived in
Tani Tuk Meas in Kampot province, moved to Svay Rieng
province to learn to become a teacher. He lived with a
family who made Buddhist statues for sale. He also helped
the family making [the statues]. It was when my mother was
also living in her home village in Svay Rieng province. My
father saw my mother and asked for her hand and married her.

The next morning, Uncle Mao rolled the body of my mother
with a mat. He had six incense sticks for me and my sisters
to carry and follow the body of my mother when they carried
my dead mother to bury her. From day to day, we the three
sisters had been waiting for my mother in case she would
return home. We didn't have any news about my father. We
never had news about him.

My sisters kept on asking for my mother, but I told them
that this was what was called death that there wouldn't be a
day she would come back. Uncle Mao and his wife, aunt Kim
Suor took us, the three sisters, to live with them. Then,
the two, husband and wife, were told to move to another
place. We the three sisters couldn't go with them. We had to
be separated from them.

Then, there was a woman named Sister Hor, wife of the
village chief, Uncle Kem, who took us to live with her. She
took care of my youngest sister, but me and my second sister
had to go to different ways but would drop in at home once
in a while. I lived in the children's concentration camp.

Sometimes, I went to see my father. Later on, my father came
back home. Only then did he know that my mother died,
through one of my friends named Hay, who told him [about my
mother] along the way. Under a guava tree, my father stood,
shedding his tears, because [the news about my mother's
death] was kept secret from him when he was at the hospital.

When he entered the house, I described to him about the
rice, sugar and tobacco that my mother had left for him.
After listening he could only sit down and weep all day till
night fall.

After that time, my father had to take care of the three of
us. He took us from the village chief. Several months later,
my father fell sick again. He was sent to the hospital
again. Then, my aunt named Prok and Aunt Kun as well as my
grandparents heard the news that my mother had died. They
took my two sisters [to live with them]. They didn't meet
me, because I was sent to harvest rice, dig the earth and
build embankments away from home. When I came back home, I
was told that my sisters went with my aunt.

I went to see my father and met him the first time. I gave
him the porridge which was my ration. He ate all of it. The
next time I went to see him, he was gone. He had been sent
to Kandieng hospital which was the region hospital. Since
then, my father has been missing.

Some months later, my aunt came to look for me and told me
that my youngest sister was ill. She took me and ran out of
the children's concentration camp to live with her. I went
to her house in Poleong village, Pothivong district, Pursat
province.

By then, my youngest sister could not walk. she was
seriously sick. I lived and worked with old people. Not long
after, my sister was in agony one night. She screamed for
rice and water till her voice died out. That day, my
grandmother was not around, because she went to make cakes
in the dinning hall. We only knew that my sister died the
next morning. At that time, I knew clearly that once you
died there wouldn't be a day you came back.

Our lives were like animals'. [My loved ones] died one after
another. Upon hearing the news that my mother died, my
grandfather starved himself till he died too. Since then, I
had lived with Aunt Prok, Aunt Kun and my grandmother.

Some time in mid or late 1978, Pol Pot evacuated me and
other people to escape from the Vietnamese and the
liberating troops. They drove us up and down the mountain.
Some people were killed. Aunt Kun also died there. She
called me to leave her last words and asked me to take care
of her two children, Khuoch and Kumpheak.

The year 1979 was the year when I came back to life. But, I
don't remember when I came to Phnom Penh. The Khmer people
must all remember the 7th of January 1979 and must not
forget it.

I have lived with Aunt Naly, alias Prok, and her husband,
Sao Piseth, alias Neang, as their daughter. I have a sister
left. Aunt Kun died and left two children and a grandmother.
Aunt Prok has two children but she had another child after
the liberation day. There are ten people in the family.

I first went to Bandoh Vichea school. My family moved to
live at the Arts Center, Bodinh compound, near the Bassac
theatre. I also went to study dancing and Khmer language.
Then, I moved from the house burned along with the Bassac
theatre to the other side of Bodinh compound near Kapko
market.

Some time in 1979 or mid 1979, I moved school and took the
exam to study dancing again, because the Fine Art School had
moved. At that time, I was not successful with the dancing
exam. Old man Chheng Phon, who was the person who recruited
students, said I looked Chinese.

But later on, with support from Aunt Di Sakhan, who was a
group singer there, I went to study dancing again. After
several months of effort, child dancers were selected to
perform abroad. It was old man Chheng Phon who selected the
dancers. The first time, we went to the Soviet Union through
Vietnam. I was selected to go along with them.

I was only about 15 or 16 years old. We went to many states
in the soviet Union, including Moscow, Kazastan and
Kagysgistan. It was one month till we came back also through
Vietnam.

After studying at the fine Arts School for about a year, we
moved to the Miss school, which was the Youth school. But
before moving to the Youth school at Psah Chas, I went to
practice at the Royal Palace, now that the Royal Palace was
used as a drama school; dancing, plays and music [were
taught there]. After several months at the Youth school, we
moved to the old stadium at the end of the Chroy Chanva
Bridge.

Later on, some time in 1986, I went to perform in India.
Upon my return, someone came to ask for my hand [in
marriage]. I was about 16 or 17-years-old then. It was the
life of a single girl, but I didn't know anything. The day
they came to see me was Saturday at night, because I had
permission to stay at home on Saturday and Sunday. From
Monday to Saturday morning I had to stay at school. It was a
scholarship.

The night they came to see me, I was at home. I was wearing
an old theatre shirt with a torn back and a sarong. The man
who came to see me was named El Narin, who was the deputy
chief of the Phnom Penh Traffic Police during the State of
Cambodia. After he saw me, he was satisfied with me. But, I
didn't know how to love him.

My grandmother begged and forced me to sign the papers to
get married to him. I wept and insisted [not to marry him].
But, once someone had asked for your hand [and your family
agreed], it was done. After that, that man had a traffic
accident and broke his leg. He stayed in the hospital. But,
I didn't care, because I didn't know how to love. But, he
loved me very much.

One day, my grandmother asked me to take some food to give
to Narin. I went with my friends and dumped it at Wat Phnom
and didn't take it to him.

My aunt believed the fortunetellers that Narin and I
wouldn't have a good married life. So, she canceled the
engagement. And I agreed with her entirely. Narin and I
canceled the engagement. I also stopped studying at the Fine
Arts School and started working at the Department of Arts.

In 1986 or 87, Mr Kloth Ratana contacted me to act in his
film when Khmer film [industry] was then starting. I got the
agreement from my aunt and uncle to act in the film. At that
time, I acted in the film of the Wat Phnom Film Production
with Mr. Vandi Ka On as the director and Ie Vong Hem as the
producer. I acted as the female star and Thong Vutha as the
male star. Thong Vutha was working at the airline. I had
been acting with Vutha all the time. Vutha seemed to be
teased by others in the same team. I didn't hate Vutha ...
He and I seemed to understand each other a little bit, but
it was useless.

Later on, there was a man named Seng Sary from France, who
was satisfied with me and came to ask for my hand. My aunt
decided to give me to him. The engagement between me and
Seng Sary proceeded in a suitable manner. He bought me a
necklace [weighing] five chis. Then, he stopped acting in
the movies. My aunt and uncle agreed with him. I stopped
acting in the films for some time.

Later on, I
 
 

Several months later, Mr Khay Praseth - who met me when
acting in the first film (The Shadow of Darkness). He
stopped acting because he had an accident and didn't listen
to the director - fell in love with me but, I didn't know
that. One day, the director of the Sarika Film Production
invited me to act in a film with Khay Praseth. I agreed to
act with him. My relationship with Khay Praseth began. I cut
off my contact with Seng Sary, who was in France and did not
know [of my decision].

Later on, I got married to Khay Praseth. After I got married
to Khay Praseth, we lived with my aunt. After about two
months, I moved to live in another house different from aunt
Prok. I lived with my husband, my grandmother and Sopheak.

Later on, I married my sister to Each Chandara. When my
sister got married I was not happy because my husband and I
and aunt Prok were not in harmony with each other. My
husband did not agree with this marriage. But, he took off
his bracelet and necklace [to sell to help pay for the]
marriage of his sister[-in-law].

I let my sister live with me as I was very sad, because my
husband had treated me very badly. I was terribly depressed.
At that time I was pregnant. My husband had a [love]
relation with Chea Sam Ath, a daughter of Samdech Chea Sim.
He had not taken care of me. My life with him was broken: he
went his way and I went my way.

Later on, I gave birth to my son. I went back to work at the
Fine Arts School and I was recognized by other teachers and
Princess Bopha Devi.

Later on, I went to the United States for six months. Then,
my husband was looking after the son. Then, Mr [Khay
Pra]seth also went to the United States. At that time, we
kept contact with each other till we had a child. But, we
agreed to take the child out. [After] Mr Seth and I got
married, Mr Seth had an accident and had wasted a lot of
property.

When Mr Seth lived with me, he sometimes cursed me and
sometimes quarreled with me beating me almost every day. I
always thought that I [must] endure this. Before I went to
America, he kicked me once and made me [so painful that] I
couldn't speak. I had thought of divorcing him several
times, but I didn't have the chance. Because of his threats,
I tried to endure till I thought that I would be miserable
and wouldn't have a way to divorce him.

I returned from the United States before Khay Praseth did
because Samdech Preah Ream Bopha Devi called me back to
perform the Ramayana dance [in preparation] to go to an arts
festival in Thailand. I came back according to the order.
[When] I came back from the United States, I got $20,000. I
was very happy, because I had never had such a large sum of
money.

When my husband was away, I received some flirting words
from some men. But, I thought that I wouldn't care how much
money those men would splash on me. I tried to endure and
wait for my husband to come back from America in case he had
changed his mind and, with the money, he would invest in a
future business.

Later on, Mr Khay Praseth returned to Cambodia, because I
called him back as I missed my husband. But, after coming
back to Cambodia he didn't have any work to earn money.

He just blamed me as before. I have kept in mind he had
treated me badly. From day to day, Khay Praseth got more
brutal to me. He said he was jealous. But, he seemed less
angry when I went any place that I could make money.

Some time in October, 1996 or 97, I was invited to Australia
for three months. Some days after I came back, my husband
didn't have any problems, because I came back with $5,000.

One day, it was the day of [International] Women's Rights on
the 8th of March 1997, Mr Seth went to drink wine with Por
Dy and had a quarrel [with someone]. Then, he drove the car
and hit a tree. And the car worth $14,000 was damaged. It
was sold for only $8,000. At that time, he injured his head.
But one night before he had a problem, he threatened me and
pointed a gun at me. He chased me and fired the gun at me
all over the house. I was panicing and almost lost my soul.
Then, he had the accident the next night. I thought that I
must find the time to divorce him.

But, the judge was away from Cambodia. Because of my
[religious] merit, Khay Praseth left for Australia again
after only some months. At that time, I thought that if Khay
Praseth continued to oppress me, even through telephone, I
would find a way to escape.

Those who used to court me came back again. They included
Meung Samphan, Sam Dara and Hok Lundy. But, I thought that
they were just [in love with me] for pleasure, because I was
a girl who was a film star. I was waiting for a higher
ranking man whom I loved, respected and liked. But, I never
thought that I would meet him.

One night, when already midnight, [a man] telephoned me and
asked how I was as usual. I was very happy. I was both
frightened and glad. I could hardly speak out, then, I just
felt normal.

Then, he called me again. I was just happy now that he was
thinking of me. And his words were very lovely and
respectful.

As for Mr Khay Praseth in Australia, there was news that he
had another traffic accident. And whatever news, it had
never made me happy. Which woman would be able to endure
this. All the money [we] tried to earn had been wasted. I
must earn money bit by bit to feed the family myself. My
husband did not understand my heart either.

One day, that man telephoned me again. He spoke the words to
make me understand [and] I agreed with him without realizing
that I had done so. He called me and asked if I could meet
him, I agreed. I almost collapsed and fell unconscious after
agreeing with his
request. I could neither eat or sleep till I fell sick.
Before I went to meet him, I had to have two bags of drips
[to gain the strength]. I didn't know what to do.

The promised day arrived. It was the 18th of August 1998, at
8 o'clock, at the house behind Wat Botum. I met him without
the feeling [soul] in my body, but I just knew that I loved
him. I knew that I would have a bad story in the future for
me, because he already had a wife.

The second rendezvous was on 22/8/98. I decided to divorce
my husband, because I thought that I could not live with
him. Even though this next man abandoned me in a short
period of time, I had submitted a paper to divorce Khay
Praseth. And I even telephoned to tell him this. Khay
Praseth didn't agree. He had threatened and insulted me in
every way. He said if I divorced him, he would shoot and
kill me and my brothers and sisters. I still insisted and
didn't back down as before.

On Saturday, 26/9/98, Mr Seth came to Phnom Penh to look for
me, but I escaped. At 5 or 6pm, Mr Seth caused trouble and
beat my brothers and sisters. He was drunk and noisy. He
went around to look for me.

Later on, my brothers and sisters and I filed a law suit at
the competent ministry who arrested Mr Seth, Praseu, A'Cheth
and A'Pon, the four came from Australia, and detained them
at the penal police headquarters.

On Thursday, 1/9/98, he went back to Australia. I had
received serious support from that man, which made me win.

On Monday, 28/9/98, the old love ties between me and Khay
Praseth were ended at the penal police office peacefully and
sadly at nearly 3pm.

On Thursday, 1/9/98, Mr. Khay Praseth went back to Australia
at 12 noon. [My] son, Seth Lisak, went to see him off.

Later on, my relation between me and [the not yet named man]
became closer, [so] close that he said he was already my
husband. Even one day [after having sex], he was also a
husband. I had not dared to receive [this claim], because I
feared what would happen in the future now that he already
had a wife. But, as the matter of fact, I loved him [and] I
also regarded him as my husband, because this was the karma
that I could not escape. I had never thought of selling my
body for money.

On Thursday, 24/9/98, I met him the third time at T.T.B.Y.
[Turotuos Bayon or TV Bayon].

Later on, I continued to have good relationship with Samdech
Hun Sen all the time. Later on, he came to my house that I
bought on 31/1/99, at about 9pm, almost 10pm.

Later on, he came to meet me again at the same time (first
met at home). He met me at home the second time (it was the
fifth time), also at night. He met me the third time (it was
the sixth time), also at home at night.

We had met each other for the sixth time. My meeting with
him had been secret all the time. One day, [the secret] was
leaked to Mr Kim [Takmao Mayor Kun Kim]. I thought nothing
would happen. I once had an appointment to meet Bang
[darling] Sen at a noodle restaurant in Ta Khmao without
anyone knowing. Later on, I met him while testing Bang Sen's
new car at the Hun Sen Park. After that, I met him along the
way after returning from the [TV3's] Fate of Chance Program.
I met him along the road to Chak Angre [way to Ta Khmao].

Later on, the secret became widespread. I didn't know if I
would be in peace or not. Bang Sen had helped me with
everything. He even built me a house. But, I didn't consider
whether it would be mine or not.[I did not know whether] it
was the karma from this life or former life, there were a
lot of men who attempted [to love me] and I disappointed
them all. But, I had never thought of them so much that like
I loved Bang Sen. I knew that my beauty was not important.
But, [in my case], people all said I was a woman with karma.

I had been married with Khay Praseth. But, I had not said
anything about my heart and about my love with a broad
meaning like [with] Bang Sen. Bang Sen had said good things
and done good things with me. I didn't know about the
cheating or the truth from him, because I had never been
deceived by any men. I had never suffered any pain from any
men. It was only me who made them feel pain. But, this time
it might be me who would suffer the pain and even more
seriously.

I would be terribly broken hearted if I was to be deceived
by Bang Sen, because it was Bang Sen who said anything
before I did and made me trust him. [He even said] something
that I didn't dare to accept.

[It was] the time when we were separated when the story was
made known to his wife. I stopped our phone meetings. My
heart was almost broken. I remembered a phrase of one of Sin
Sisamouth's songs that says 'there will be the day when you
girl be aware of yourself when you meet the crisis of love'.

In the past, I had never believed that I would have a crisis
with love. Talking about this, I seemed very ashamed,
because I was not a single woman who just met love. I
thought I was being crazy and I was crazy with someone
else's husband, which was sinful. Even if his wife beat and
killed us because we did not counter-attack and we were most
sincere with him, there wouldn't be anyone who would help
us.

Oh Bang Sen
 
 

 don't think that I was lucky [only] because I could
achieve what I had wished for. I am only desperate and
desperate forever. I am thinking that I am now very lonely
like the earth with nobody [else] living on it. The earth
seems very crowded and [people] are almost unable to find a
place to live, but it seemed like there was nothing, because
I have to be separated from him and can't find the man I
have met for a period of time. I had always prayed that I
wouldn't ever ecounter such a story.

I think that I met Bang Sen on Thursday at 9 or 10 o'clock
in the morning, which was the time when the sun was shining
beautifully. It [Thursday] was the day which is considered
the strong day, the hard day which cannot be broken, and I
would have to be as shining as the sunlight. It is as strong
as the day which was cherished [in the ancient rules]. On
that day, I am very sure that I had sex as husband and wife.

On the night of Wednesday approaching Thursday the 8th, I
dreamed about Bang Sen sending me a letter through a son of
old man Cheng Pon. That letter was a letter of mourning
[written] on white paper with a black-ink pen. The
characters in the letter were signs, but I understood that
Bang Sen was being requested by his wife for divorce... I
didn't take it seriously, because I thought that it was just
a dream.

One day, at exactly 3 o'clock in the afternoon, Samdech Hun
Sen telephoned me to tell me that on Sunday, the 11th of
April 1999, I would received the words of apology from him,
because he could not struggle with me anymore.

He told me to deny anything which had happened. I accepted
because he said that his wife adamently refused to allow him
to contact me [anymore]. He listened to his wife. Finally, I
understood the taste [of suffering]. He told me that I must
try to [forget] him. Thanks God that let me know the taste
in life.

Every day, I would always be anticipating telephone calls
with my liver almost bursting. I couldn't be determined [to
forget him]. I would always be sitting so thoughtfully that
I almost became an insane woman. I had written several
phrases of poems from the bottom of my heart. I shed tears.
At 7.40 at night would be remembered in life. [the rest of
this sentence is not clear in the original text]

I went to give my thumbprint forcing me to return the house
which Samdech Hun Sen had given me to his wife. I was so
painful I couldn't speak. They told me to give them
[everything] in remorse.
Friday, 23 April, 1999:

I was called by Uncle Thai Seng Long to go and meet the
right hand person of Chumteav Bun Rany. He conveyed the
words from Chumteav to me that she needed to get back the
car that Bang Sen asked Uncle Long to buy for me and told me
to stop phone contact with Bang Sen.

On Monday, 26 April 1999 at 7:30am I went to get my money at
the Canadia Bank. But they did not process the money for me,
because there was an order from Bun Rany not to allow [them]
to give it to me, because she said it was her husband's
money given to [me]. The total amount of money was $200,000,
but I had cashed $50,000 and an interest of nearly $2,000.

Saturday, 1 May 1999 Bang [darling] Sen asked Uncle Thai
Seng Long to come and collect a picture I had taken with him
and his wife with my husband. That picture was taken in
Korea in 1993 or 1994. I gave it to him with sadness and
worry.

I tore off the picture and gave it to him [Seng Long] with
shaking hands. I just realized that I was a moth who was
flying into the fire. I didn't know whether I [could live]
in peace or not now that it was her own master [husband] who
did this to me.

For a period of time, I always hid myself in the house
[soaked] with [so much] sadness that I thought I wanted to
go [to the pagoda] and become a nun. Later on, I tried to
forget [and] cope with all the painful stories. I became
confused. I didn't know when I [could completely] forget
[this]. [So sad] that I fell ill slowly with pain.

On Monday, 10 May 1999 at 9:15am, General Director of
National Police Hok Lundy called me to go and meet him to
tell me about something. He sent two bodyguards to pick me
up. I went with my younger sister. [I was mixed] with fear
and gladness lest I would get any news from Bang Sen
conveying any words [to me]. I went to meet Hok Lundy in
Kien Svay at a quiet place which was a restaurant. He told
me to escape to another place for a period of time because
Lok Chumteau Bun Rany Hun Sen was being very angry [and]
intended to take my life. I was very frightened, but I still
tried to hold my spirit, bite my lips [and] shed tears
unable to believe that I had been seriously deceived like
this. My heart was broken because I hadn't sold myself to
Samdech Hun Sen, it was [that] we loved each other like
husband and wife. But I was too stupid to believe his words
because I had never been deceived by anyone.
This was the first lesson that had made me know [a deceitful
man] and I knew a person who [knows] all the expressions. I
don't know whether they will let me live or die, because the
earth is under their control. I only have God [to go to] and
build merit to return to confront them.

Monday 14 June 1999, 9am I withdrew $18,000 that Bang Sen
gave me [as a deposit] to buy a house worth $118,000